Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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