you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
