Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
