tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize