Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
