I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i barfeds in our rink
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
