I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
