There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
