Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
