just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
