You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we're so committed to being not committed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
