I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize