Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
