Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
