Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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