dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize