walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
