my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
