I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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