the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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