she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
