it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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