I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I could make wine with my vomit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
