I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Randomize
