we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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