listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It all started with a game of naked twister.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
