My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
