i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
