I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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