yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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