We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
