that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
