Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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