And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
