sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
