the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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