I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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