i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
