we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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