Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
