i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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