I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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