Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
