well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Two words: blizzard sex
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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