I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
