she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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