I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
God, I missed his penis.
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