I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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