It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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