Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
