The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
