I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
