butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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