I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
