He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
