he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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