but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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