So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize