your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
