she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was CRYING into my vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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