I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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