True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
