shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
