My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
