You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
