Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize