my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
