I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
