I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
