I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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