you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
