as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
