Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
