I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
