I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
