The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
