I feel great
I just peed on a car
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
