i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
