ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
