highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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