it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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