So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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