quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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