turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
