I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
