Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
