Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
