i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
