How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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