at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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