My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize