I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
