Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
