You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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