I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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