I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
