shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
