The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
