Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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