He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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