I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
