There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize