I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk is not a location!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
