I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
