How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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