You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize