Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Randomize
