i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
