Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
