Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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