Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
