he wants to bone in the snuggie
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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