I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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