I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
